Well yesterday was a bit to swallow. Plastic surgery is one of those things I guess. You are either going in because you don't like the way your body is, or your body doesn't like the way you are. I will have to admit, I didn't think it was going to be that graphic.
I wish I didn't have to do this, really. I guess I need to step back and realize that when I come forth on the morning of the first Resurrection, I will be made whole again. Its one of those things though, I guess.
The surgeon's explanation was thorough, but didn't leave me with a beautiful feeling. I know I have probably created another image in my head. I thought about asking for evidence of his previous work, but would that offend him? I just want to know I wont look like that one dude from nightmare before Christmas, because that was what I had pictured.
OK, let it go Shayla. You are at the best with the best...everything will be fine. Put it into the Lords hands.
There, done, ok...next....
So this is a blog on my Breast Cancer adventure, right? No need to get graphic on here. If you want to know how my appointment went, I will just say the entire plastic surgery thing is for me to know, and only my husband to find out....and for any of you who cover their ears when a boob, or nipple is mentioned (Peat Litster) I have breast cancer. There is no way of hiding the fact that they will do this to my that and then add this and that is what will look like.
I am so going to wear a proud shirt when this is all done. The nurse already gave me a shirt that says:
"of course these are fake, the real ones tried to kill me" Gotta love it.
On a different note-
Today I meet with the Oncology group. I wonder how much I can absorb after yesterdays slightly pornographic education, with me as the subject for study. Yeah it was weird, and though that resident was helpful in answering some of my statistical questions, he was young, handsome and it was a little, er lot uncomfortable.
The Oncologist will let me know the best chemo for my situation. Its funny because most of the Drs tell me....but this is only what I recommend. It is always your choice. It puts things into perspective. I have the choice to live or die...uhh...ok. I guess I will take the advice you give me. Granted some of the things they tell me, there is an actual choice, but very limited in my situation.
I think I am done blogging for today. I had a great night of sleep, which is amazing as of late. I like to sleep , because in my dreams I don't have cancer. I am just a regular Shayla doing regular things. Its nice, then I wake up and I realize I better get going because I have another appointment. It is going to be a year of appointments! This too shall pass, right?
Just one last thing---
I apologize to those of you who I have not spoken to, on this kind of level. Some may feel they deserve a more personal explanation, others may not even care.It is too hard to tell one person all of this kind of stuff, then repeat it 100 more times that day.
I am on information overload right now. I have done my best to get my self ready, daughter off to school, baby in the appropriate hands, and then I am off to Huntsman, or the U. This has been my schedule, literally an appointment everyday, which lasts for hours. You can see, that doesn't leave me nearly enough time to get home, be with my family, process it, and go to sleep.
Please know that I wish I could answer everyones phone calls, really. Those who know me, know I would be on the phone all day with my friends and family, if possible. I am a talker! So if you call, which is fine right now, I will do my best to answer. Text is always great too! This is just a better way to update those concerned, and thank you so much for your continued support. It really means everything to me.
COME WHAT MAY AND LOVE IT....(trying really hard today to love my body)
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Thank goodness for technology! Blogs and facebook would have been helpful to let family know what was going on when my Dad had his bone marrow transplant for leukemia. The phone calls were seemingly endless and left little time for anything else.
ReplyDeleteI love your insights, and I admire your frankness. Not taking into account all of the emotions, this has got to be such a whirlwind for you trying to pull everything together in such a short amount of time. I wish I knew something I could do to lighten your load a bit, so if you get bored (hahaha!) do a post of all the things that either make you happy or would make life easier, or whatever. That way, folks like me that are basically clueless can step up a bit more. Love ya girl!
Love the shirt! You are so gonna rock it! Love ya :)
ReplyDeleteShayla,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, Hello! Second, I know you can do this. I haven't talked to you in years but I knew a strong fun girl in high school and I'm sure you've only grown in the past 10 years. I'll keep you in my prayers. Good luck with everything.
Keep your blog updates and you can check out mine if you get bored. www.allamericanglovers.blogspot.com
I love your attitude. Keep it up!
Eryka Glover (Martinez)
Hi Shayla. I'm Kristy, Ellen's friend. I had breast cancer 2 years ago, and I know exactly how you're feeling and what you're thinking. You have such a great, positive attitude, and that's going to make all the difference. You will do great thru this! And you will never look at life thru the same eyes again. You will learn so much. You will be able to feel just how important you are to everyone around you and just how loved you are. I like to say I've been "high-def'd" because I feel like I see things so much clearer now, so much more focused on the things that are really important in life. If you ever have any questions or just want to talk to someone who's been thru this ordeal before, I am here.
ReplyDelete801-698-5213 or kristyjames@comcast.net
Thank you all for your posts! I love this blogging thing already. I love hearing from everyone!
ReplyDeleteSo Tiffany, to answer your question:
I love to "feel" comfortable...anything good smelling, Lavender Aveeno lotion, bath and body works anything, comfortable pjs, snuggly blankets, and then there are the other things that make me feel comfortable. A clean house, all in order, a clean, bathed kids at night, Sanitizers galore (they say I CANNOT get sick because my immune system will be really down)
Those are my main concerns, you know? Ensuring an orderly home, and that I myself am clean. I guess my biggest fear is not being able to take care of myself.