Thursday, May 20, 2010

Ya, not such a good day...

So this last appointment, the one that I thought was the last, but really wasn't, cause tomorrow I have another one, anyway...the last appointment I went to, well it took the positive right out of me. I am afraid they caught my weak spot.

The Oncologist asked me what was the single most important thing he needed to know about me with this cancer.

I looked him straight in the eye...I will have to admit, I thought of allot of things I could tell him, but being a complete stranger and not wanting to waste his salary, I let him know.

" I do not want this to affect me having more kids"....

"Well...that, my dear, we will have to work with..." the doctor wasn't really kidding. When you dump that many chemicals into a persons body, you are likely to affect something. Chemo is a 4 step medicine process.
So many things can go wrong! What the crap? I have cancer...that is bad news, but I can beat it, it will go away.I am tough right?
They can take everything I have left from my body, but please, no, not my decision and right to choose to have another baby.

Now I know most of you may ask me what went wrong in my little brain that I would want to the very impossible
(for me), yet one more time. When its right, its right...and I didn't like what they were telling me.

So, to spare the details of how on earth I would want to attempt they put it "spare my fertility" we have yet another appointment tomorrow. Yuck! I thought I would have a day off!

So while I am healthy, and thinking somewhat...well thinking...I will say this:

This too shall pass....with a pinch of faith...and only because I am trying to have fun with my little adventure here, and only because my wonderful, dear friend and neighborhood mother can think of writing poems about my very dicy decision of Cheerios, Doughnuts or Angel Food cake...(that poem may end up on here, I will have to ask permission though, its great!)
and only because my sister in law gave me glitter gel toes and finger nails...and dyed my hair pink...I can attempt to blog tonight.

Yes, I have some of my hair dyed pink...really pink, like pink, pink. I know, I am so crazy! Its all gotta go in the next 4 weeks anyway, why not be daring and bold. Make a mark here on this Syracuse, er Tuscany Meadows...whatever.

Who knows, maybe the entire ward will support me and dye one or two strands pink...maybe I will start something...can you imagine the old lady's and little girls with pink strands of hair?
I love that Morghan immediately wanted to be just like me. I only hope she doesn't want to shave her head. Ya, I don't think I will have a problem with that.

I did tell her she could do it. She will totally remember it for the rest of her life. Remember when mom let me dye a strand or two pink when I was 6? Look, some of it is still there.
Oh my Moe! How I love her!

So, I am a lucky Mom of two beautiful girls, and bonus Mom of three other of Heavenly Fathers children.
I love my husband...much much much! So grateful for him.

A day at a time...that's all I need to focus on. Why is it so hard for me though? I always think at least 3 years out!


  1. I'm sorry Shay. So much to process in such a short amount of time, but like you have said, and are so right about, you are strong. You are a wonderful mother, and if Heavenly Father wants you to have more children, all the chemo in the world couldn't keep it from happening.

  2. I am the same way...always a planner...but, sometimes life doesn't always go as planned and we have to let someone else be in charge. It is hard, but I know that there is a purpose for our trials and ultimately Heavenly Father knows what we are capable of and what our future holds. You are such a wonderful mother and are blessed to have your children. I love what Tiffany is so matter what happens, if more children are in your future, it will happen.

  3. Shayla...what the heck!!! I know it doesn't do your situation justice, but, that really SUCKS!!! (You know how good I am with words! NOT)
    I wanted to talk to you today at church, but I'm sure you're so tired of talking about the same yucky stuff over and over, that I'll just say, I love your pink hair! And the next time you need to get your glitter toes filled, call me and I'll come with you!
    You're an amazing woman, and you will find the strength to do all that you were sent here to do! I'll be here for you every step of the way.
    I love ya, girl!
    Natasha B