Wednesday, December 14, 2011

So much for consistancy

I realize the last time I shared my experience was over a year ago. I wonder how many of you have stopped following me, or maybe those that do care have been looking at my facebook.
I felt compelled to come back here tonight. I wanted to share some experiences I have had since my last post. I have once in particular which has just given me hope, when just minutes before getting on here, I had felt all hope was lost.

Since my last post, I have been through radiation, more surgeries and some pain management techniques like you'd never believe. We will get into that later.

I had my upgrade from the expander's to implants. Though it was nice to have a chest instead of anything concave like I was warned, the expanders were horribly uncomfortable like having...well my husband called them the car dashboard, because they felt leathery and hard. To skip ahead a little, the implants were put in, in the same surgery which was about 5 hours long, not too bad. My surgeon was working with an an empty hole to fill because of course the year before I had a bi-lateral mastectomy. I had lymph nodes removed on both sides so even the tissue under my arm pit was gone. A normal person getting "enhancements" has breast tissue inside. So when you place an implant inside, it just makes everything, fuller, which is the whole idea of getting fakies. Got it?
Since I did not have any such tissue, the implant was placed and it looked like a little "mound" after. They were firm and did not move in the slightest. It was ridiculous because the radiated side was still very red and fro the surgery, black and blue. I really did look like barbie.
That's probably a good enough description, use your imagination. I don't know what else to say.
I don't think my situation was like everyone Else's though. I had heard good things about doing it this way. The only thing was that they had a 10 year warranty. I know, ha ha...but when its a part of your body, you don't want things failing.

That seriously lasted only a few months.The redness never went away and it continued to be black and blue. My cancer side started to hurt very bad. It was like it was infected. I also noticed that on the cancer side, the implant started sticking out, like it had some how folded inside.

I finally decided to see another surgeon. I did my homework and found the most wonderful surgeon ever. She confirmed that my implant had indeed folded and that the skin was so thin, it was only a matter of time before infections took over and the skin could actually break and rupture. I couldn't believe it.
I was familiar with a procedure called the S-Gap where you can take the upper part of a persons buttocks and use the tissue inside and also the skin on the outside to make a new breast with both the tissue and the skin flap. It is a very complicated procedure. Its not just a little moving of tissue from one place to another. It is a micro vascular surgery. The surgeon is working under a microscope the entire surgery, sewing arteries to main arteries and hoping it all takes. Your body has to think the new tissue is OK to be there. The surgery can take place and the procedure could still fail. The tissue has to be monitored closely during and after to ensure it gets enough oxygen or else it can fail.

My DR. gave me the OK and told me I was a great candidate for this procedure. Not everyone can do this. You have to have an adequate amount of tissue in the donation site. In my case, I was sufficiently proportioned for this type of surgery. I was thrilled. I never liked my bubble butt.
Although now I see its the "look" that people desire. The Kardasion look is the look as I understand it.

Skipping ahead....

The surgery took place on July 11, 2011. It was a total of 10 hours under and 4 days i n the hospital. The second surgery took place on October 19, 2011. That one being 12 hours and also 4 days in the hospital.
WOW! I had been warned. This was one of the most complicated surgeries. I knew it would be a challenge, and I overcame all of it.

I will post my surgery experience on a later date.

I know consistency would have been nice, especially since I kept much of it to myself. It does feel good to write with perspective though. I can honestly think about each experience and put how I felt and also what I learned. Sometimes when you are in the moment, feelings and emotions get, the best of us and you cant really give a clear picture as to what the true experience was.

The reason I did not keep up, was because I was down right sick. I was sick with radiation, and with each surgery. I did not have the strength to even think about keeping up with my blog, let alone share something incredibly personal. It would have been clouded and not thought out clearly. Much of the time I am in pain, so to voice my experience, I am afraid it may have been negative.

If I have been this way, I do apologize. I want this to be about growth, learning and a perspective on this new chance at life I have been given.
Please accept my sincere apology if I have let anyone down with any negative thoughts.

I have so much more that I want to share about the journey I have taken and the many wonderful and interesting paths I have taken.

I hope you will stay with me as I piece this puzzle together for those of you who are interested in my experience as a Breast Cancer survivor.